MWF Seeking BFF

September 12, 2011
In this sweet memoir, New Yorker Bertsche tells of moving to Chicago in 2007 to be with her future husband and leaving behind her closest childhood friends. In her new city, the 20-something author had just one friend, and most significantly, no gal pal to share in the milestone of her first wedding dress fitting. So begins her quest to go on 52 “dates” in the coming year to try to create for herself in Chicago what she had: to find “a Kate to my Allie. Blair to my Serena.” The philosophy she learns along the way is twofold. First, say yes to everything. In socially shy Bertsche’s case, this means taking a huge step outside the familiar and calling on buddies to set her up, finagling invites to book clubs, renting friends (literally), and chatting up random people. The second part is that to grow the friendships, she can’t rely on anyone else to reach out to her and has to do all of the follow-up, at least initially. What she gets, in addition to a social network, is a shifting understanding of what she needs from friendships and a recognition of some of her flaws. This allows her to be a better friend and more appreciative of time alone and with her spouse. Bertsche’s pursuit is grounded in what most everyone is looking for—more fulfilling relationships and a sense of belonging—and she bravely provides some of the tools, including openness, persistence, and self-awareness, needed to attain these rewards.

October 15, 2011
Tiresome chronicle of the author's 52 friend dates in one year, and the psychology of friendship. Once the golden glow of a new marriage settled into a daily routine, Bertsche realized she needed more than the constant love and attention of her husband. "But when I need to talk my feelings to death," she writes, "really sit and analyze why I am confused/lonely/ecstatic, he's just not up to it." Additionally, "in your late twenties, friend-making is not the natural process is used to be. In fact, as it turns out, I've completely forgotten how to do it." Stringing together her encounters with potential friends, Bertsche drops in snippets of scientific research concerning the nature of friendship along with anything else she thinks is relevant, including breast cancer, depression and her interviews with professionals regarding her friend quest. Along the way, the author experimented with online friending sites and experienced book clubs, a wellness cleanse at her yoga studio and a flash mob in her dance school. When she heard about a local friend matchmaker service, she signed up. "If I were more narcissistic," she writes, "I'd think the local Chicago area was learning about my search and creating companies just for me." Ultimately, her search succeeded. She was a better friend. She was more adventurous, independent and less naïve about the "idea of the attached-at-the-hip BFF." She adhered to conventional rules of etiquette (many of which are generally learned in grade school), such as not interrupting others when they are speaking. Essentially, she became a happier, nicer version of herself. This contrived memoir might have been a mildly entertaining blog or magazine article. For adult women without a single friend, maybe some of this recycled information will help.

(COPYRIGHT (2011) KIRKUS REVIEWS/NIELSEN BUSINESS MEDIA, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.)

August 1, 2011

Oprah.com web producer Bertsche moved to Chicago for love but realized that she had left behind all her best female friends. So she went on 52 girl-dates over the course of a year to find a new best friend. Should hit a nerve in our media-linked but touch-hungry world.

Copyright 2011 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

November 15, 2011
Moving from New York City to take the long distance out of her relationship, journalist Bertsche found herself in a tough spot two years into her Chicago tenurea young, married professional past her hard-partying days, far from her BFFs (best friends forever), desiring meaningful friendships, and feeling utterly lost as to how to go about it. Challenging herself to 52 friend-dates in a calendar year and reading up on relationship research along the way, what Bertsche learns and relays anecdotally alongside rundowns of each friend-date could be classified as the science of friendship. Some dates are great; some just so-so; some hilariously terribleand readers can really feel that they're along for each one. In another's voice, the material could easily have become trite or annoying, but Bertsche is just so darn, well, friendly that readers might even find themselves questioning or conquering their own occasional antisocial tendencies. Bertsche deserves applause for the profundity of her research, and she exhausts her topic without tiring readers. Useful index of friend-dates and recommended reading included.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2011, American Library Association.)